April Fourth

It’s taken me a while to actually write up what happened on the fourth of april 2012, but here goes, I’m finally doing it.

I’d spent a long night character chatting with my good friend Lily who I was staying with at the time in Bath and we didn’t get to sleep until about seven in the morning, which probably isn’t good. Despite this we got up around twelve and got ready, extremely excited about the day ahead. Unfortunately, she had to go to a doctor’s appointment sometime mid afternoon on the other end of town, so when we got the bus into the city centre at two, she had to wonder off and re-meet with us later.

She showed me a few of the sites first, just in case we weren’t going to see them.

It was really beautiful and gorgeous and ahhh.

She had to leave, so I sat in costa and read for about fifteen minutes and then decided, fuck it, I’m going to walk somewhere and meet them. I started walking up towards where Lindsey, Lewis and Lydia were, the fashion museum (which is like, ten minutes walk up a hill >.<) but I got nervous so decided to kill time in the bank. I'm so fun. I got a bank statement and bothered the woman about bank numbers and then slapped myself in the face (not literally) and decided to man up. Come on, you've known these guys for years!

I walked all the way up to the fashion museum, and by the time I was almost there, the anxiety had washed away because I was bored of waiting to actually arrive. When I got there the space outside was packed with french students who kept looking at me "Hahahaha! Nervous girl alone!". They went pretty quickly though, thank god. It was then really empty. I got a text from Lindsey saying they'd just seen George R R Martin and then, sure enough, he came walking out of the museum exit. I was too excited and intimidated to say anything so I just took a stalker photo.

I waited a little longer and saw multiple people go in and out the doors to the fashion museum and I was starting to get really nervous. The whole “this could be them, nope this could be them, oh shit where are they, is this them? oh my god it’ll be them in a minute”. I saw all three of them come out of the door, looking, smiling, straight at me. Oh shit, there’s a bird on my head or something. Or someone’s hovering over me with the word “dick” on a piece of paper pointing towards my head. Neither of those turned out to be true, so I’m just going on the assumption they were happy to see me. -crossing fingers-

I stood up to join them and said nothing. I think I just smiled and nodded me head awkwardly, because I’m awkward, that’s my thing. They were all how I expected them, probably because I’d seen pictures of them before and spoken to them on video chat. Even still, it surprised me they looked so familiar. It felt as if I’d known these people for a long time in real life and this wasn’t the first time meeting them. We then accidentally on purpose stalked GRRM a little more.

We then went browsing around the beautiful, quaint Bath shops. There were some questionable items of clothing in some of the stores, but all in all they were pretty cool. I still felt out of place, though, as if I’d intruded on some massive fun party they were having. But again, I’m just awkward. We then went exploring, trying to find the church we were to see GRRM at later. Found it. That was a dull part of the blog, I’m sorry. But it happened! So that’s cool.

What did we do next… uh, we went to loads of different little shops with maps, little quaint collectables and an apothecary-type shop, which enabled us to explore the possibility of a dry-ice toilet. I can’t quite remember how that discussion ended.

We then went into this free museum down this long street that reminded me of Grimmauld Place, but less grim. Sorry guys, you’re going to have to twist your necks again.

The museum was cool. There were old paintings and spoons and stuff. The thing that excited me the most, though, was that all three of them didn’t stare at stuff for half an hour. I’m one of those people who go to the zoo to say hi to the lions and then leave. I don’t like to hang around and look at every single little thing in all it’s detail and then look a bit more. We spent no more than twenty minutes in there, which was nice. Then we re-met with Lily! Hurrah! We had a full group. I felt a little relieved, got to be honest. But I could see the tension on her face of “omgwutpeople they already love each other and stuff ahhh” but it was fine. We walked a bit more and then spent a really really long time in this awesome book-binding shop place. One of the floors had books that were hundreds of years old. It was fascinating.

We then realised it was getting a little late and the doors were going to open in less than an hour. So, we go outside so we can find somewhere to eat dinner and what do you know? It’s bloody tipping it down. We dragged ourselves into this italian place and ordered bread. Literally, we ate bread. But it was good bread. Smile ! (sorry, I couldn’t resist)

I can’t remember the entire conversation, but it ranged from maths classes to writing and grrm books. We were starting to get really excited. And after it took about five hours to pay for the bloody bread, it was finally time to meet the man himself. God. The great one.

We found good seats near the front in the church and, while Lindsey, Lily and Lydia were buying books, Lewis and I sat and read the free magazine we got. Now, me and Lewis haven’t had a… friendly past, but it was relaxing, not tense. Fine. But better than I thought it would be. We took some photos (which I won’t add in yet, maybe later) and then… GRRM arrived!

There was a Q+A and he actually said that writing The Red Wedding was really hard because… well, you know what. He also talked about his inspirations and previous trips to the UK. Then he read from the new ASOIAF book. kfjhkjghkjre. It was amazing. Gah. Everyone applauded and then we waited for about thirty minutes to get our books signed. Worth it though, totally worth it. He said hi to me and stuff. -dies-

He then read allowed a message from Carraka, who unfortunately lives in the states so couldn’t be with us. However I’m sure she’d say it was the best part of the entire day, the entire year. The entire ever.

Then we left and walked the empty streets of Bath as a five, talking about how much we enjoyed the day and the-

I walked into a bench.

…

We had to wave goodbye to them at the station and then go back to Lily’s uni. It was the worst part of the day. It was so amazing and probably one of my favourite days this year. SOOO GOOD OMG. I want to do it again. All the time. ALL THE TIME.

-sigh-

under 500 words of bullshit

Several empty wine bottles were slumped, hugging the pillow and a body folded around them, breathing lightly. The black stilettoes had carved into the duvet leaving rips in the floral crochet. Crimson lipstick patterned the second pillow, smearing on the creases.

Ring ring.

Her head lifted suddenly and a mass of blonde waves fell in front of her eyes. She stretched her arm out and started banging the bedside table, fist clenched.

“Damn alarm clock,” she yelled, pounding the wood.

Ring ring.

“What the – ?” She jerked her head around and sat up. Glancing over at the opposite bed side table, she groaned as she saw the hotel phone, sat screaming. She crawled over the bedspread, a wine bottle rolling off on to the floor, lifted the handset and thrust it to her ear.

“Yeah?” she answered, rubbing her eyes, mascara smudging onto her fist.

“Gwen?” a gruff voice responded.

“Jack,” Gwen nodded, rising from the bed, wobbling a little.

“Bitch, I want my watch back,” the voice growled.

“Wh-what?” Gwen yawned, having no memory of the previous night.

“You know what. I paid good money for you last night and you steal my watch?”

“I didn’t steal anything, you must have left it her-?”

“I’m knocking at your door in ten minutes and if you don’t have that watch, I’m reporting you.” The phone went dead and Gwen slapped it back on the table. She pulled her dress gown from the door hook and dragged it over her shoulders, eyes still blurry. Draw after draw opened and finally a bulky, golden watch was found, lying at the bottom of the wardrobe.

She switched the television on while waiting, and sat on the bed, fiddling with the watch.

“The serial killer in question leaves vital clues to their next victim, usually sex workers, in the form of jewellery. Each crime scene discovered has had such jewellery with the imprints ‘JR’.”

Gwen looked at the inside of the watch, the back of the head reading ‘JR’ in crisp script. She swore loudly and slammed the watch against the floor, clutching at her hair, looking at the phone.

“No,” she muttered. “I’m taking this one out myself.”

“Here’s your damn watch,” Gwen said, thrusting the hunk of gold into the man’s fist some time later, whose eyes lifted slightly, but glared with the same intensity. “and I didn’t steal it. You left it.” She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, recognising him.

“Whatever, I’m not coming back to you ag-” He doubled over, hands clutching his stomach, his mouth wide open. “What did you- what?” Pulling a small dagger from his belly, he winced and held his breath.
“I’m ending it,” Gwen said, and as him slumped to the floor, life draining out of his wound, she closed the door and fell back to sleep.

College: Those Grown-up people.

This is a new series I’m thinking of doing, and it will consist of a few (I haven’t quite decided how many yet, how intense) blog posts about my time at College so far. I guarantee it’ll be jam-packed with excitement. (No, really. There’s jam on my keyboard.)

So, my first topic is grown ups in college. (you know, big, scary old people who moan at you for listening to your ipod)

No, I’m not talking about the teachers (or professors as I like to think of them… in my head. My English teacher reminds me of a cheerful Snape, but less sexy). I’m talking about the adults that come and learn in College. Now, I know most of you are thinking: “idiot, of course they learn there”. You may be right, however, I have never experienced being in the same area as adult learners.

I was coming out of my Higher Project class early (on the sixth floor, god I hate those stairs) and as I past one of the rooms, I peered inside to see if it was the Psychology class my best friend was in, so I could pull faces at her through the window, being the child that I am. I skimmed around the room searching for her, but there was no luck. But I tell you what there was… grey hair… everywhere.

I don’t remember her telling me that there was older students in her class, so I concluded it wasn’t hers. (they’re classed as “mature” students, even though I’m sure the cheese in my fridge was more mature than the man in the corner, throwing a pen at the lady in front. Yes, you heard me right.)

I looked up at the displays and it was all about Medieval History, which can I just say now is one of my favourite areas of history and I’m genuinely annoyed that I couldn’t have taken it. It struck me as odd that these older men and women were taking A-Levels. Okay, sure, maybe they needed it to get into a University, but my Grandma has got several diplomas from the Open University and she certainly didn’t do any A Levels.

This was an incredibly pointless post, but I hope you enjoyed it despite the sleep you are now about to fall into.

Going to see Britney Spears

I am going to go to Bristol to see my sister and then tomorrrow we are travelling up to London to see Britney Spears and I’m so excited. I saw her in her Circus 2009 tour and it was fucking amazing. So stoked.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this now, but I am. I will be surely telling you all about it when I get back.

The post I posted the other day should be visible now :)

thanks for letting me know meldikins.

This is when I actually update you.

Hi, I seemed to have neglected you all over the past few months. I never got to tell you about America or Prom or starting college or results day or any of that jazz. So I am going to do so right now, but quite briefly, and then I’ll ramble.

So, I left for America on the first of July and arrived in Las Vegas, a gorgeous city which I really miss, despite the fact I am 5 years too young to do anything there. However the landscape, the people, the hotels, everything is so amazing. My favourite hotel had to be the one with the river and the Italian street inside it, but I forget it’s name. But it was stunning.

Me and my sister enjoyed the shops there, finding lots of merchandise from the hangover and these cool glasses that you probably should never wear in public.
Also, on the way to LA, we came across some Zebras in one of the fields…
We also went to Disneyland, which was a hell of a lot of fun.
We did go many other places, but I might talk about that more in depth in another post, however I may not. Depends.
Okay, Prom. It was a full on awesome night and all of the bitches and jerks in our school were all nice and friendly and most of the guys looked so much hotter than they usually do in suits. Maybe that’s just because I’m a sucker for suits. But me and my awesome best friends danced the night away and we all loved every minute of it (including getting very drunk at the after party). Here we are at the start of prom. I’m in the red long dress.
They are the most important people in the world to me and I would have non of them any other way than they are now. In fact, some of us are having a party at my place tomorrow night, so I’ll show you pictures from that too
Okay, college. It’s been really fun. The only down side of it is my depression which is stopping me from going to most of my lessons half the time. I won’t explain because you if you haven’t been through depression or similar, you probably won’t understand. It’s harsh but true. And if you have, then you know without me telling you.
Writing. I actually have been, and I wrote 4,000 words in the last week. Impressive, huh? I’m also preparing myself for nano, so that I actually can write a lot in a day. At the moment I’m writing around 500 words a day, and that’s quite easy and loose, so I’m sureeeee 1700 words isn’t going to do any harm. For a whole month. Non stop…
Oh well, I won it last year, and the year before, so I’m pretty confident. Yay me!
I was going to tell you about something else, but I’ve completely forgotten. Oh well.

thank you :)

to one person who I spoke to tonight/this morning. You’ve really made me feel less alone and better. We really shared some secrets tonight and I want to send out massive hugs in a parcel for you.

<3

I’m awake at 5am today.

It seems like I’m never sleeping.

I can’t write at the moment

At all. I really can’t. And it’s not like a writers block or just one of “those days”. I physically cannot write. I feel too down and too depressed to think about writing. I finally get myself into wanting to pick up a pen a paper and I just can’t do it.

 

I’m scared to sleep

I don’t like to sleep at night. I have nightmares and something called Sleep Paralysis. Look it up. It’s horrible.

Basically, these nightmares often are about being bound or attacked.

These are two recent ones I put into images. (A sort of therapy)

This nightmare I was ready to be attacked by someone who looked exactly like myself. They would only be able to stop being like me if they killed me and then they would be someone else, someone more beautiful. It felt as if they were on top of me in my bed.

 

Then last night I had the ability to fly, but I couldn’t. I was locked by shackles.

It’s terrible. I’m most vunerable at night. I see things, I hear things. I hear voices. I go crazy. I pull out my hair. I RIP out my hair. I wish things I wouldn’t normally. I get distorted ideas. I want to commit suicide. I want to climb out my window and run away. I want to go to a shelter with other teenagers and hug someone who knows what it’s like. I want to hug one person in particular who knows what it’s like.

I’ve never spoken about this incredibly openly before. I spoken to a few people but never openly to the world like this, so it’s hard.

Thanks for reading.